Not two hours after I published the tale of the heinous woman at my park who doesn’t “touch poop,” I went out to take Gracie for a quick potty break. It was pouring rain, and that she even let me take her outside under those conditions proved that she really needed to go. As she squatted, trying to stay as much under my umbrella as she could, I reached into the bag dispenser we keep attached to her leash, only to discover that it was empty. After publicly posting that I was prepared to humiliate anyone who didn’t pick up after their dogs, I was left without a suitable way to pick up after mine.
So I grabbed a few fallen sycamore leaves and picked up as much of it as I could.
And then as soon as I got home, I washed my hands under the hottest water I could stand, three times, with antibacterial soap.
Lesson learned: never leave the house with the dog without confirming that there are plenty of garbage bags on hand.
Of course, back-up plastic bags could not have saved me Wednesday morning when I got out of bed to feed the cats and noticed a rather pungent odor wafting from under the office door, behind which Gracie still sleeps. Upon opening the door, my suspicions were confirmed. Gracie had been having some minor GI issues for a few days, and apparently while we slept, “soft-poo-in-the-park” turned into “major-mess-omigod-it’s-everywhere.” So while Ross took Gracie across the street to the park, I scooped what I could, then scrubbed and disinfected the carpet (if you’re wondering, Target’s Up & Up carpet and upholstery cleaner rocks) five times over. And then, yes, I washed my hands under the hottest water I could stand, three times, with antibacterial soap.
People sometimes call dogs “practice babies.” As in, “if you’re not sure you can handle a baby, get a dog first.” Gracie’s potty habits of late have made me absolutely certain that I’m in no rush to change dirty diapers … and absolutely certain that someday, I’ll be able to handle it.
Now, off to buy rubber gloves in the event of a repeat of Wednesday.
Kennel Confidential is a regular column documenting the adoption of a shelter dog by two KeyPulp editors. Leave your dog-rearing stories and tips in the comments section below!
Photo by author, remixed with Instagram.