PA School Bans Uggs, Inadvertently Makes World a Slightly Better Place

Written by Joe Ross. Posted in Featured, Trends

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Published on February 02, 2012 with 1 Comment

We’re still working on making some changes as we move out of beta, but we’ll be posting again as we do that. As you may have read, we’re bringing some of our focus back to the Philadelphia area. This post is one example of that shift in focus. It’s not hard news, but we freaking hate Uggs, so we couldn’t resist.

Last week, Principal Gail M. Cooper of Pottstown Middle School, about forty miles northwest of Philly, put her foot down. That foot was definitely not clad in a fuzzy-lined suede-textured boot. That’s because the unholy fashion fad started by Uggs actually has a practical purpose in the lives of some kids: smuggling. Specifically, students are violating the school’s no-phones policy by sneaking the gadgets into the classroom via their stupid trendy boots.

I take issue with Tina Sussman’s characterization at the LA Times’ Nation Now blog that “fashion-conscious” students can wear the stupid-looking boots to school as long as they replace them once in the building. Such students are not “fashion-conscious.” Hell, neither am I. But even I know that Uggs are the pinnacle of human fashion embarrassments. Unfortunately, few parents agree with me. One parent whose Facebook comment was anonymously quoted in Evan Brandt’s piece in Pottstown’s The Mercury went so far as to threaten legal action against anyone who came between her daughter and her Uggs, saying “we would definitely have a court case here.” Peruse the newspaper’s Facebook page for more enlightened parental comments like that one.

And as if using cell phones and wearing stupid boots isn’t bad enough, the footwear is also apparently good for sneaking cinnamon into school. The “cinnamon challenge” requires one to swallow a tablespoon of cinnamon. It’s not easy and, well, it’s freaking stupid. But kids at Pottstown Middle School are sneaking cinnamon into the school to try this stunt, adding yet another to the list of reasons why Uggs are stupid: because they make your kids stupid.

Unfortunately, none of the comments Brandt mentioned in support of the prohibition on Uggs took my Uggs-are-stupid angle. Instead, they focused on the need for better parenting, respect for the rules, and the importance of providing a good learning environment for the children (however few there may be) who actually want an education from the school. The need to combat offensively stupid appearance of Uggs is obviously more important than dime-a-dozen issues like parenting and education, but alas, I’m a lone voice crying out in the wilderness on this one.

Alone though I may be in my hatred for the boots with the furrr, my hope for humanity is slightly rekindled now that I know that, at least at one PA middle school, Uggs and their ilk are unwelcome as a matter of school policy. The kids will, of course, hide gadgets and cinnamon (?!) somewhere else (waitsband of pants/skirts/underwear, socks, hollowed out Introduction to Biology textbooks, etc.). But in this case, the means (banning Uggs) is so much more important than the ends (enforcing the no-cell-phones rule and keeping our kids off cinnamon), that the policy’s inevitable failure to solve the problems at which it is aimed cannot possibly diminish the joy it gives me.

About Joe Ross

Joe Ross is one of the cofounders of KeyPulp. A law student, gadget geek and sci-fi fanatic, Joe also enjoys playing music, matching wits with kittens, and being proven wrong by his beautiful fiancée. Note: Joe writes about legal stuff sometimes. None of that is legal advice and it should never be construed as such. | 

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1 Comment

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  1. Someone somewhere disapproves of your footwear. Think of the day when it too will be banned. I’d say this goes along with civil liberty issues except for that fact that we know that kids don’t have any say in anything about their person already. Imagine not asking for an opinion on something about yourself, but permission.